Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Interruptions From My Heart

I know I promised to tell you more today about the people of Egypt and Joseph’s family getting to their food, but God interrupted that idea and I want to share what He taught me as I lay awake Monday night. This is a little longer than my typical post, but it is straight from my heart.

As the seconds ticked off the clock, and the night was getting late, I lay awake as mommas do when their babies are sick. McKayla had a high fever all day and I had done everything I knew to do, yet with every check of the thermometer, the fever persisted, even rose. I went through a list in my mind as to what all could possibly be wrong with her and as I lay there, I prayed and I thought about how much I love her. I could see images in my mind of the beautiful baby she was with her chubby little cheeks, chubby little fingers, and when she smiled, she smiled with her whole face. She was a delightful baby. She just lit up the room. As she learned to toddle along, she was everywhere Mommy went and being the first grandchild on both sides, with lots of doting aunts and uncles, she was the center of our world. I remember just wanting to stare at her for hours because God had made her so beautifully perfect in this Momma’s eyes.

Then the story fast forwarded in my mind and I thought of how perfect my life was, I had a husband who loved me, a child that was a gift from God, and another one on the way. I had this storybook idea of how things would be once my second child came along. She would be just as beautiful as her sister, they would look just alike, with their cute little hair bows and matching outfits. Life was almost just as I had planned it until, praise God, He interrupted my plans. Yes, I said praise God, I can say that now, but I couldn’t say that then.

March 27, 2002 six weeks before Brenna was to be born, we found out by accident that she was going to be born with a cleft lip. By ultrasound the doctors could not tell how severe it was, they just knew it was there and they warned me that there could be much more wrong with her. As I lay on the ultrasound table alone, I tried my best to hold back the tears and be strong, but the tears still came. I was put on bed rest that day, quite a bit of time was suddenly placed on my hands to think and mostly pray. I called my mother to come and pick me up from my appointment and drive me to my husband’s work so that I could explain things to him. After I broke the news to Todd, she took me home. I remember not being able to talk while we were driving because my heart was breaking so. As we merged onto the Interstate, I turned to look at my 2 ½ year old, beautiful daughter in the backseat and thought, “I won’t get to experience what I have experienced with her with this baby.” I felt like we were going to be cheated out of the perfect “birth experience”, like we would be cheated out of being the perfect little family. I had known people growing up who had been born with this condition and their outcomes weren’t so pleasant. I was afraid my little girl would be made fun of and become bitter as she grew up. But I was so wrong in all of those thoughts.

God had a plan in mind that was much greater than mine and He had to interrupt my day dreaming to get it done.

I told you all of that story to tell you this, I love both of my girls almost more than my heart can contain and as I lie awake thinking the other night, God showed me two kinds of love He has for me through the two kinds of love I have experienced with my girls.

Tears flow so much that I can hardly type this to you, but as I loved McKayla in her perfectly beautiful, healthy completeness, I also loved Brenna just as much, but the love was different. It was a love that was so deep because of her imperfections. It was because of the journey that I knew was ahead. Every time she had surgery to repair her imperfection, when they would bring my baby back to me, it was like seeing her be born again. A new more beautiful baby.

God loves me and you both of these ways at the same time. He loves me for the beautiful, complete, perfectly righteous daughter I am through His Son, Jesus while at the same time His love for me grows every time one of my “imperfections” is dealt with along the way. With every step of the journey, it’s as if He sees me be born again, more perfect each time. The same applies to you.

Brenna is almost 9 now, and just when I think God has taught us everything He is going to teach us through this little “interruption”, He reveals something like this to me and I become so thankful for this trial all over again. It truly changed me and Todd for the better. She had a very mild imperfection and is a very vibrant, healthy little girl that brings light to our home. I count it no accident that when I opened her baby book as I typed this, I saw a verse inside that I had written to her:

Then Joshua told the people, “Make yourselves holy, because tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you” Joshua 3:5

It’s her imperfection that made things so perfect.

I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Thank you, God, for counting me worthy.

Royal Princess Daughter Of The King
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  1. Thank you for sharing your heart with me-- a beautiful love story that I can learn and become closer in my 'walk with God' -- I even started reading about Joseph and his brothers being reunited and fed...

  2. cheated is a good word. what options we have when we focus on feel cheated, and let down, angry and frustrated or to embrace this as Gods "divine Interruption" thank you for sharing this beautiful story, and new way to see how God looks at us... :)

  3. What a beautiful story. We had an experience in our family,while not the same was familiar. Soon after Greg and Lisa's 3rd child was born we discovered that Ally had Downs Syndrome. We felt like we had been dropped into a void where everything was unknown. But as always, God's plan is the best and she has been and continues to be the delight of our family and everyone that meets her. What a blessing she is!! Dixie


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