Thursday, July 29, 2010

Uncharted Waters

Tears of gratitude and awe flow down my face as I sit and write this entry to you all. By the time most of you read this, my family and I will be in our car traveling to North Carolina so that I can attend this year's She Speaks Conference.  I am so thankful to God for providing the spot for me to go, for simply choosing to use me. I am thankful for my husband being so overwhelmingly supportive and excited for me, the finances to make the trip, the vacation time from work, and my bosses who let me go (even though it's not the most convenient time for me to be away).  When my friend, Farrah, mentioned the conference to me yesterday, I told her that I'm just a "cracked pot".  I am just a cracked pot, but you know what, I am God's cracked pot and He still plants flowers in pots just like me. I can't wait to see what He has in store for the years ahead. 

I cannot explain what is inside me now and what has been inside me over the past several weeks other than to say that this is a calling and I feel overwhelming joy to write for all of you everyday.  For the first time in my life I am doing something hasn't felt like a job or a duty at all.  I love all of you and thank you so much for loving me back.  Many of you have known me at my worst and loved me in spite of my faults, and I pray that one day you will have the chance to know me at my best - God's best.  

These are uncharted waters for me and I am nervous yet excited at the same time.  I was thinking this morning of the uncharted waters our forefathers faced when they stepped onto those ships to sail to the Americas. God reminded me that they sailed here for the purpose of religious freedom, freedom to worship and I too step into unknown seas for religious freedom, but in a different way.  The freedom that I feel is within.  I know that if I don't step into these waters, I will not continue to feel the freedom that is within me in this moment and I do not want to go back to where my heart was even six months ago.  I want to obey and do what I feel He has placed before me and experience the freedom that comes from sweet communion with Him.  Freedom is never free, something always has to be given up to obtain it, and I have had to give up doing things my way.  It's amazing how a heart can wave the white flag of surrender and that flag of surrender turn into a flag of freedom waving over that same heart by simply being obedient.   If you have never experienced a sense of freedom within your spirit, I beg you, please listen for His voice, trust Him enough to step into the water, no matter how deep, and let Him take you to the other side. 

Father seated in the Heavens above, I pray earnestly for my friends and my family who read these words.  It is my desire that they experience You in a higher way,  that they experience a sense of freedom and celebration within their souls.  God, I ask You to be so very close to them that they feel Your strong, but gentle, loving hand stroking the back of their heads as You love on them.  May they feel Your breath upon their cheeks as you hug them close.  I pray, Lord, that when You try to embrace them, that not one of them will resist the hug the way many of us resisted hugs from our parents when it "wasn't cool" anymore.  May they melt in Your arms, never to escape.  Father, if even one of them is struggling with whether they hear Your voice or not, I pray that they would feel your hand in their back showing them the direction in which You want them to go.   Thank you for placing me here in this moment with You, I can't get enough of Your presence and I would give anything for them to experience You along with me. 

Royal Princess Daughter Of The King
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