What disturbs me more than seeing someone cry is to see what we do when we cry. We get angry at ourselves for crying. We go to a room alone so that no one sees us, or if someone does happen to get a glimpse of our tears, we quickly tell them that we’re ok. When the first tear falls, we begin apologizing for it. It’s at those times when we are hurting so terribly, when we need the support of people who love us that we turn and go the opposite direction from hearts that ache for us and with us.
What was sad today was that I know each of these 3 friends well, wanted to reach out and hug them as they cried, but for some reason I didn’t feel comfortable doing that.
Why?
Why do we hide our tears?
Why do we apologize for them?
Why do we try to be tough?
Why do we say we are OK, when obviously we aren’t?
Why do we hide ourselves from others so they won’t know?
Why do we keep one another an arm’s distance away?
Have we been so deceived to see tears and emotions as weakness?
If that is the case, let me tell you about somebody who is the strongest person I know. He withstood ridicule, public disgrace, physical pain, mocking, questioning of authority, sweat drops of blood, yet ……
Jesus wept. John 11:35
He wept at the death of His friend Lazarus.
He wept over the city of Jerusalem in Luke 19:41. He wept because they just didn’t see Him or accept Him for who He was. The book of Hebrews describes Jesus this way:
In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety.
If our Savior, being God in the flesh, was “a man of sorrows acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3), I think it’s ok if we cry.
But why don’t we think its ok?
Did you know that He cares so much about you that He stores your tears in a bottle?
He does, Psalms 56:8 says so.
I didn’t feel comfortable reaching out to my friends today because knowing they despise breaking down in front of someone, I didn’t want to make them cry more, but I have felt all day that I made the wrong choice. Jesus wept for those who were hurting and I want to be like Him, even if it requires me to weep.
I don’t think He intended us to always weep alone or He wouldn’t have written Romans 12:15 weep with those who weep.
I covet your input about why you don’t like to cry. I’m doing some soul searching on this and am interested in your perspective. In appreciation, I will give away another copy of Unafraid by Francine Rivers to someone who posts a comment about why they don't like to cry.
Jesus, thank You for showing me today that it’s ok to cry. Father, I pray for your people that we would be strong enough to cry on someone else’s shoulder. Strong enough to be weak before one another. Give us hearts that are willing to weep for those who weep. Father I pray for the courage and boldness to reach out to those who are hurting and defy the “logic” going on in my mind in those moments. I pray that in the future, I will just listen to the voice of Your Spirit in my heart. I want to be Your hands and feet.
Royal Princess Daughter Of The King
Amy,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! For many years my family ridiculed and shamed me for my waterworks. It wasn't until my recent journey through breast cancer that I discovered tears are actually a blessing. For me tears demonstrate my authenticity and the gift God blessed me with: a tender heart. Thanks again for your insights and sharing.
Ps. I was at a conference recently and the speaker mentioned crying/tears. He offered two suggestions. First he said that it is physical impossible to cry for more than 8 (I think that was the number) minutes...so if you are going to cry...let it all go, you will eventually stop. Secondly, if someone cry's in your presence--words are often unnecessary--just your presence can bring great comfort.
for me, Im a fixer. and as much as I want to be there for someone, hug them, cry with them (I get made fun of for crying too...) I am almost paralyzed because I want to fix the issue so crying can stop. Now tears of joy...totally different story. But if your heart is broken, no matter how much I KNOW in my head just being there to walk thru this time together, without all the answers...It still makes me uncomfortable, because I want to fix it. its interesting, cause Im not that way. When I cry, and have a situation, I dont always want answers. I just want a friend....so I'm not sure why I approach others situations that way.
ReplyDeleteI JUST 15 MINUTES AGO STARTED CRYING AT A SCENE I WITNESSED IN THE PARKING LOT OF A POPULAR DEPT STORE...TWO GROWN WOMEN WERE ARGUING ABOUT SOMETHING WITH DESCRIPTIVE WORDS INVOLED AND A LITTLE BOY SAYING "MOMMY IT'S OK" UNDER HER FEET, MY HEART JUST BROKE FOR THAT CHILD... I CRIED ALL THE WAY TO WORK AND THEN TRIED TO "BE OK" WHEN I CAME IN TO WORK, I GUESS I DON'T LIKE TO FEEL WEAK, LIKE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME, I DON'T WANT OTHERS TO THINK I AM A "BIG BABY"...I GUESS AGAIN, I SHOULD TRY TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS AND WEEP WHEN I FEEL THE "CALL" AND THE "NEED"...THANK YOU AMY FOR THIS POST :)-APRIL
ReplyDeleteJust this morning on my way to work I witnessed a scene in a local dept store parking lot that really upset me and brought me to tears, two grown women arguing with each other while a small boy looked up and said, "Mommy, it's ok"...my heart just broke for that child, and I cried all the way to work just aching to hug my own children...I too cry alot, and want to hide, so I don't appear weak or as a "big baby"...This post makes me realize I again should be more like Jesus and weep when called to weep...Thank you Amy for this post:)-April
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine yesterday at work were talking and we were both fighting back tears because we were discussing other people we care about that we want so desperately to "put Jesus in their hearts". Realizing their destiny without accepting Christ as their Savior made us both well up but we fought back the tears because we were at work in the hall and well you know.....couldn't have people walking by see us in that state. My reason for fighting back tears is because of my need to get everything under control. I struggle all the time with the things in my life that I think are "out of control" (house, time, etc.) I struggle because I want to make sure everything is working just the way it should and crying just makes me feel that much more out of control. I think that is why God makes me cry (amoung other things) to teach me that ultimately I am not in control -- HE IS. A thought just crossed my mind too........if He made us in His image and He wept, then that is why we weep too!
ReplyDeleteJulia