It is especially strange at bedtime. I try to tell myself it’s no big deal, but it’s in those moments when my children aren’t with me that I am overwhelmed with the both the gift and responsibility God has entrusted to me in parenting two little lives. Two little lives, that truthfully aren’t mine, they are His, and He is letting me mold them. It’s in those moments that my prayers for them become more fierce, more serious, I pray for their safety, for their protection, prayers just keep flowing from my mouth. Many things race through my mind, but ultimately I have to choose to trust God with them, for they were His before they ever came into my life. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not the only time I pray for them, but when they aren’t in their beds, aren’t at my side, that’s when I am most reminded of this task God has given me, and the praying can’t be stopped.
My home just feels empty without them here.
Even if my mind turns to their beautiful faces during my work day/their school day, my heart aches. I can envision their smiles and laughter in my thoughts, and I can barely stand not being with them at that very moment.
I guess it’s a momma’s instinct.
I wonder what Heaven was like for God while Jesus wasn’t there?
I heard a song yesterday that spoke to me. The title of the song was Christmas Morning written and sung by Shannon Wexelberg on her Christmas album entitled Love Came For Me (great CD if you’re looking for some Christmas tunes). I want to share a portion of the lyrics with you:
On Christmas morning
Was there a tear
Upon Your holy face?
Love was the story
Your Son came near
To a sinful place
And as the angels sang
Glories from on high
You saw an empty place
Your Son not at Your side
On Christmas morning
I wonder, did You cry?
On Christmas morning
Was there an ache
For all that He would face?
Love was the story
A manger now
A cross soon in its place
You saw the crown of thorns
And His bloodstained brow
The price for all our sin
Just a baby now
On Christmas morning
The day Your love came down
God’s Son was not “home” with Him while He was here on this earth, and He had to entrust that Son’s well being, within the body of a helpless infant, to one of us. A frail, mere human, and He trusted His Son to Joseph and Mary’s care.
I wonder if Heaven felt “empty” while Jesus was gone?
I wonder if God’s heart ached because Jesus was not at His side as He always had been?
Precious one, His heart aches for you to be with Him just as much.
Thank You, God, for sharing Him with us for those 33 years. I cannot imagine the joy you must have felt when He took His place at Your right hand upon His return to Heaven. Words cannot describe the gift that You gave us on that Christmas morning, a gift that we don’t yet fully understand I’m sure. You gave that gift anyway, even though we couldn’t fully appreciate it. You are a good, loving, kind, and merciful King, who just happens to be my Abba Daddy. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
Royal Princess Daughter Of The King
This is one of your posts I truly feel from the depths of my soul and spirit. Every ounce of me understands this...Not to say I understand what God feels like, but maybe, as you wrote, a glimpse of it. With the visitation set up with our blended family, we see some our kids on weekends. This does overwhelm me if I think about it too much. I mean, as you said, its always there. but dwelling on the absence of my children isn't something I allow myself to do very often. I often am drawn to the parallel of parenting our earthly children, to God being our parent. Knowing He loves us (and our children) more than we can fathom. and as you said He aches for us. That makes me feel good. Someone aches for me. What if He only sees us on the weekends? Im supposed to get phone calls from my kids...but those are few and far between. So what if we just conversed with Him on random occasions. I know it makes my heart hurt worse, and the period of time seems to be endless from one weekend to the next. I'm sure thats multiplied by a million with our Heavenly Father. He aches for us. It is very comforting on one hand for me to know this...but very heartbreaking as well.
ReplyDeleteI FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DO WHEN MY KIDS ARE NOT WITH ME..I CONSTANTLY WONDER IF THEY ARE OK, ARE THEY BEHAVING, ARE THEY WARM ENOUGH, ARE THEY MISSING ME, ARE THEY SCARED..AND ESPECIALLY WITH KENDALL I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY TELL MYSELF WHEN HE STEPS ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD, OR THE BASEBALL FIELD, OR THE BASKETBALL COURT--LORD PLEASE DON'T LET HIM GET HURT...I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT HE IS GOD'S AND HE IS WATCHING HIM TOO. I AM SO PROUD BUT HUMBLED THAT GOD CHOSE ME FOR MY TWO KIDS, HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING WHEN HE GIVES THEM TO US, HE TRUSTS US TO CARE FOR THEM -APRIL
ReplyDeleteWhen we're all spread apart, I always say, "I can't wait to have our little unit all back together again". I never would have thought about whether or not God felt that way! Thank you for sharing that. And Camillia, God has truly blessed you with the ability to be able to see those parallels. I bet you would have never thought he could use the time away from your kids as a way to show you himself like that. It made me think about when my parents were divorced and we became teenagers. My dad must have been waiting for a phone call and a visit that never came. How sad :(. Don't you know God has to feel that way when we mean to get to him, but just don't. Awesome! Brittany
ReplyDelete