Thursday, May 27, 2010

Fighting The Hands That Hold Us

My oldest daughter, McKayla, is now ten years old, which is very hard to believe. It seems as if it were only last week when she would fight her naps. On the weekends when I would do the household errands, she was always with me. She was a very good, happy baby and would let me lug her around for hours. When we would return home though, she would be so tired, warranting a much needed nap. I remember several instances of what I’m about to describe to you, but one of them stands out in particular. We had been out and about all day, returning home in the mid afternoon hours. I put away the groceries and household things we had picked up as she toddled around cranky. After I was finished, I picked her up and carried her to my bed so that I could lay down with her for an overdue nap. At first I just put her in the bed beside me, but then she decided she didn’t need a nap and kept trying to get up every time I would close my eyes. This went on for several minutes. Finally, I put my arms around her pulling her close to me nice and snug and held on to her as tight as I could without hurting her. Her little face was facing mine. For a bit, she would poke at my face, she would bump me with her wet pacifier, she would try to talk to me. I ignored all of her attempts and continued to lay there holding her with my eyes closed. It didn’t take long though and she was tired of this game and began to try to wrestle her way out of my arms. I just kept holding her close to me, eyes closed, relaxing as much as possible, while at the same time, not letting her go. This went on for several minutes. Finally she got so tired from fighting me that she fell asleep in my arms.

I will never forget that afternoon, I’m not sure why it stands out so much more vividly than the rest, maybe it’s because God knew that one day I would be using it to tell you about Him. One day this week I was listening to the song, “By Your Side” made popular by the group Tenth Avenue North. I have heard this song many, many times, but the words “please don’t fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you” immediately took me back to that Saturday afternoon wrestling with my daughter. It made me think about how I have fought Him so tirelessly for so long at different times in my life, and He as tenderly, but as firmly as possible, has held on to me tight, keeping me right near Him. Who knows what I could have gotten myself into if I had wandered away? My hands that were holding her, were loving hands that knew what was best for her, yet she fought them with everything she had, just like I do God.

I’m no theologian, but I think God is the same with us as I was with McKayla that day. I was very sure of what needed to take place, she needed some rest. He knows we need to stop trying so hard and stop striving to no end and “rest” in His arms. Just as I sometimes think toward God, she didn’t think my nap idea was the best for her, so she resisted, and resisted, and resisted wanting to try something else. Even with the frustration I felt at first when she kept trying to get up and down off that bed, I was so filled with love for her when I drew her near me and held her tight, I thought my heart would burst. I felt that deep wonderful love for her in spite of her fighting me. Once she finally surrendered her battle and began to rest, I opened my eyes for a few minutes and studied her beautiful face, so amazed at what she had brought to my life. Then I, myself, drifted off to dream land too. I think when we get to the end of our ropes and finally stop wrestling, and just rest in the arms that are holding us. He feels that same thing.

Oh God, how I have fought and wrestled You, yet You’ve never grown weary with me. You just hold me close, patiently waiting for me to give up the fight so that You can do through me or for me what You want, while I rest. I thank You for your strong loving arms that never let me go.

“…He will carry the lambs in His arms,
holding them close to His heart….”
Isaiah 40:11

Amy Dotson, RPDOTK (Royal Princess Daughter Of The King)
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